Hasn’t been very long… Still have two months until I reach my cut-off point. I hope I can hang on to this one for longer.
We haven’t gotten to the shitty part yet. I don’t feel like I am as capable as I was to unleash the rough stuff…but I have been fooled by myself before. So I remain aware. Vigilant. Hopeful.
I still think of him. Every now and then I catch myself feeling nostalgic, but the memories that dredge up act like ice-water and snap me out of my reverie. Hating him was more fun than loving him, and I think I know why hating him was still poison to me. I hate the same way I love, wholeheartedly. Feeling nothing for old ones frees up space in my heart to feel something for someone else.