That I wake up in the morning with only the *good* before and after people still in my memories and life.
Nothing else. Nothing of me but what I am to them. And I guess that would just leave no one. Not even my boys. Not because they are bad, obviously, but because I
am (shit, I am shit) so very not what they need. She was smart. She got out before I could fuck her up and fucked me up instead.
That’s something I could never accomplish.
Why only babies that have hurt no one and not grown women that destroy everything??? Answer that, goddammit. Why can’t I suffocate in my fucking sleep? Why does an entire fucking bottle do nothing?
Never can hurt someone without hurting myself more.
My smart girl. My wonderful boys. I love you. I’m sorry you crapped out and got me. I’m still trying to be good enough for you.